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Have you ever impressed yourself?
I’ve noticed that many women, myself included, struggle with the concept of pride.
We are, by and large, uncomfortable with holding up our accomplishments. This is true in personal situations, it’s certainly observable in work environments, and I even see it on sewing blogs as we downplay our achievements and point out all the flaws.
The reason usually given for this behavior is that women are consensus builders. Holding yourself up above anyone else, or even giving a hint of the appearance of doing this, is dangerous to group dynamics. It makes it much more difficult to keep harmony if you aren’t trying to fit in.
But I’ve noticed that it goes beyond this socialized instinct. We constantly see women being punished for flaunting their achievements without self-effacement. Even more sad, it’s often other women who do the tearing down.
The reasons for this are complex, but the results impact us all.
In her new book Playing Big, Tara Mohr (who kindly sent me a copy) points out that both research and anecdotal evidence show that it is very difficult for a woman to be perceived as both competent and likable. As a result, we frequently modulate our appearance to appear less competent in order to be liked more.
This is one reason I love the concept behind Ann Friedman’s Shine Theory. It says to me that women can be the agents of change simply by the way we treat each other: as friends instead of competitors.
So today, I thought I’d take a moment for all of us to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.
My question is this: Have you ever made something that really caused you to be impressed with yourself?
I mean, not just something you were a little proud of. I’m talking about something that made you feel more capable, confident, or creative. Something that made you feel better about yourself, not just happy with what you made?
For me, it will always be my wedding dress. Not because it required such great technical skill, but because I put my heart into every aspect of it. I chose the beautiful gold 4-ply Italian silk charmeuse, I found the perfect organza trim with tiny seed pearls, I figured out how to apply it to create a carefully scalloped hem. I took my time.
Everything about it felt like me, and that made me happy. There were no compromises and a lot of creativity.
I don’t know if it’s the dress I would make today (though it might be), but I know how I felt in it.
What have you created that made you proud of yourself?
Comments
Annika
October 6, 2014 #
The make that made me most proud is this Dirndl http://naeh-connection.blogspot.de/2014/01/roots-sewing-your-heritage-giveaway.html
I sewed it for my first-time-ever participation in a sewing blog tour and put all my heart into it, taking time for many, many details and for a really nice photoshoot. It’s definitely a heirloom kind of thing!
maddie
October 6, 2014 #
I’m currently making a coat out of antique brocade chenille that is making me pat myself on the back with every operation I sew. It’s going to be amazing!
Caroline
October 6, 2014 #
The first coat I made that came out “well,” I LOVE this thing. Whenever I feel down and out about myself I have a look at it and remind myself that no matter what my failings I’m capable of making something like this:
http://4-sisters.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/the-modern-megan-draper-red-coat.html
Letitia
October 6, 2014 #
I recently finished the garment I’m most proud of. http://ellelittleblog.blogspot.com/2014/09/fo-fancy-ball-dress.html
I bought the fabric when I was on a trip to Savannah. At that time, I was unsure of the direction my life needed to go and was trying to “find myself.” This dress has lots of trials and tribulations (and time) built in it and I’m so happy with how the FO turned out.
Ellen
October 6, 2014 #
I know exactly what you mean. I feel that I’m bragging if I show pride in something I make, when it really is just that, pride in a job well done and creating something lovely for myself or someone close to me. I recently finished a batik quilt and posted on my Facebook page, I was delighted with the comments. I am thrilled when friends create something wonderful, we should all share our accomplishments.
Elke
October 6, 2014 #
A great post you wrote! It is very true. I went to a girls´school and can underline what you are stating. One sewing project I am very proud of is a dress from one of the “Drape Drape” japanese sewing books. I even wrote in my blogpost about being proud of my accomplishment. The sewing was not so difficult, but I managed to sew everything nearly perfect. And I am especially proud of my choice. The fabric and pattern choice which both suit me very well. Often I sew something very nicely, just to realize afterwards that the cut doesn´t suit me well.
http://pulsinchen.blogspot.de/2014/06/pulsinchen-proudly-presents-dress-no-7.html
Heather Lou
October 6, 2014 #
I swear Sarai, sometimes it’s like you’re IN my brain. I’ve been thinking so much about this lately, especially when I see my friends and role models “taken down a peg or two” in various dark corners of the interweb. It really makes me angry that we as women are held up to a different standard than men; our success or triumphs are scrutinized in a way that holds us ALL back collectively. If we’re not cheerleading for ourselves and each other, we’re really just holding ourselves back.
Andrea
October 6, 2014 #
I disagree, Heather.
Women can’t just “cheerlead” for each other. There needs to be a space for constructive criticism and negative feedback. Otherwise, you’ve got an author who hears nothing but “your work is fantastic” from all her friends and the public at large and wonders why her book won’t sell, or a patternmaker who hears nothing but “this is the best pattern ever!” and then can’t make rent because no one’s buying it. Also, when it comes to anyone putting products into the marketplace, there’s the women making the products–and the many more women potentially buying the products. Their interests also need to be served, which doesn’t include nothing but rah-rah to get folks to spend money on something that’s sub-par. Women are capable of bad work; and if they want to engage in the public sphere, they need to be prepared to hear that their work is bad.
Unless you think we should also take down all negative book reviews of female authors from Goodreads and Amazon, all negative reviews of music from female musicians on iTunes, all negative reviews of female-led films from rotten tomatoes, and no more negative feedback on female politicians. Hopefully you can see this is absurd.
Yes, it needs to be safe to truly excel and talk about it; but it also needs to be safe to criticize.
Suzanne
October 6, 2014 #
I agree Andrea, but I think you and Heather actually are saying the same thing. You just want people treated equally, man and woman. And I don’t think Heather thinks you should say unwarranted nice things. If you ask for feedback, you should get back constructive criticism. Its when someone did not ask for feedback and you tear them down that the problems begin. But I think when you have an independent pattern or book its a labour of love. So any criticism is seen as personal (even when it was aimed at a product and not a person), whether it was meant as constructive or not. And anyone who puts themselves out there like that is going to have to know how to tell the difference and grow a thick skin, because that is the nature of putting yourself out there. No one should accept abuse, but criticism is okay, it makes us better.
Andrea
October 6, 2014 #
Well, I definitely think you and I are saying the same thing, Suzanne. :) Yes, I agree with everything you’ve said here. It can be hard to separate criticism of a product from criticism of a person, particularly when you pour yourself into it, but it is SO IMPORTANT. Particularly for business owners. It MUST be ok for your customers to tell you what they think of what you’re making, if you want your business to have any chance to flourish.
But I suspect Heather was talking about GOMI, and her characterization of what goes on there does not match my own experience. I’m happy to be corrected, though.
Personally, I think that if indie pattern makers and bloggers made a concerted effort to welcome constructive criticism on their own sites, and made it clear that it wasn’t to be punished by regular commenters, the GOMI craft forum would cease to exist.
Suzanne
October 6, 2014 #
I had never heard of GOMI. I looked it up. Oh my god that’s a lot of vitriol. Yes, I see what Heather means. But I don’t think those feelings would be so pent up if they were able to be shared in the more mainstream forums, like you pointed out.
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
Part of being a business owner is learning to make that kind of separation and not take things personally. I believe it to be one of the things that characterizes a professional.
When you start, it’s ALL about you and your work, but over time it becomes more about the process. When I hear constructive criticism, my reaction is usually, “uh oh, how can I change our process to make that better?” and not “what’s wrong with me?” which is what I used to think.
But I don’t think that constructive criticism is what Heather was addressing, more a general social pattern of holding women to an excruciatingly high standard, of criticizing women for being outspoken in any way, and of tearing down any woman who is successful.
In other words, I don’t think giving feedback about products or companies in any way precludes someone for cheering for a woman’s genuine successes. That is where I see a lot of room for improvement, in myself as well.
virginia hooper
October 6, 2014 #
I also think my wedding dress was my proudest achievement because I put so much love in it. Now I do children’s boutique clothing and put a lot of pride into each garment. I definitely do not like to see other women criticize each other on the web. I always say there is room enough for all of us as we all have our unique touches. The more you give to others, the more you receive.
Helen Heap
October 6, 2014 #
I agree with your sentiments. I made my brother’s wedding suit and my sister in laws’s wedding dress. The process was wonderful and each of them loved the clothes I created. And I was very pleased with myself! Since then I have also made ball gowns for all of my many nieces and they have all been amazing. I can hardly believe that I could make such beautiful things! But I could!
Melissa S.
October 6, 2014 #
To be honest, I think I felt the most accomplished and proud of myself after I finished the Albion earlier this year. It was the most complicated and practical thing I’ve made so far, and it was very ME. I gave it a lot of thought and I took my time with it. I adjusted everything to my wants and needs, and by the time I was done, I was totally in love with it, but also really proud of myself. It’s very simple and not flashy, so it’s not likely that I’ll get showered with compliments, because most people won’t likely notice that it’s special. But to me, every time I wear it, I just feel good.
Sandra Bernard
October 6, 2014 #
Excellent comments – so true. I’ve made tailored jackets that I’ve been proud of but the achievement I am most proud of was a slipcover I made for a bench with arms and a back. I created my own pattern and sewed up a slipcover that fit beautifully complete with box pleats, etc. Years later when I discarded the cover (due to wear & tear from my 3 cats) I marvelled how I made this.
Sherry
October 6, 2014 #
For me, when I graduated with my BFA in painting and my senior show was hung (I work in fiber/material) I thought to myself “wow-I can’t believe I did that”. Thanks for a great post, your dress is beautiful. :)sml
Melissa
October 6, 2014 #
Thinking back, I guess my wedding dress was also my finest achievement. I hadn’t sewn for a number of years and dove head first into the chiffon, double georgette, and hand sewn button loops. The biggest compliment was from my aunt, who had helped me with my prom dress a few years back. She said, “I’m surprised I didn’t get a call from you that you were going to make your own wedding dress!” When I told her I did make it, she couldn’t believe it!
Birgit
October 6, 2014 #
That dress IS stunning, so you ought to be very proud! I was really proud when I finished my gala gown and saw the way my date looked at me :)
Amy
October 6, 2014 #
I was thinking about this very topic over the weekend–how we as women struggle with a collective ‘tall poppy syndrome’ and how often I see this downplaying online. I see so many lovely examples of expertise in skill and nuance, whether its community leading or sewing, but framed with a lot of self-effacement. And I hope that we could take more time to really stand back and blow our minds at what we do. I wish I’d of made my wedding gown! That neckline is stunning.
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
I wonder if it’s even more true online than elsewhere? It’s so much harder to communicate with just text, so much easier for things to be taken the wrong way, perhaps it makes us even more timid about coming across as too arrogant (or whatever we’re afraid of).
Stacy
October 6, 2014 #
Your dress is stunning, and you should be impressed with yourself!
I find it fascinating how women are the exact opposite of men in this regard. Men are supposed to flaunt their successes and show how good they are at things. Women are supposed to sit quietly by, and hope someone acknowledges that they do indeed have some skill. They are not to flaunt it, though! No, they must not do that! Ego in men is expected, but ego in women is just abhorrent.
I get impressed with myself occasionally, and then the next thing I make generally has some flaw or something wrong with it! I have made some things lately that I love how they turned out, but unfortunately can’t publish yet.
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
I’ve also noticed that competition among men seems less personal (I’m speaking in generalities, of course… there are tons of exceptions). Friendly competition seems to be a more ingrained part of the male experience. I’m not a man, so I could be wrong, it’s mostly an observation from working in a male-dominated field in the past.
Suzanne
October 6, 2014 #
When I was kid I was learning how to ride a bike and it was really hard process. I really, really, did not want to fall. And my mother said “just do it, who cares if you fall. Do you see all those boys out there, they just get on their bikes and go, and they fall sometimes, but they learn, they just brush themselves off and go again, I wonder why girls don’t do that”. And I did do it. And at that young age of 9, I wondered to myself why the boys naturally did that and I wanted to do something else. And then there was this smart boy in my class who was trouncing me at math (I was 2nd in the class, he was 1st). And I told my mom he was just smarter than me. My mom told me to get in the car. I got in the car and we drove to a tutoring center where that kid’s picture was on the window. My mom had talked to another parent who had told her and she said “he comes here for tutoring 3 times a week, if you had that level of prep you’d be better than him. Are you willing to invest the time?” I was. I did. And I got 1st place within a month. In fact, the boy in 3rd place in math’s mom came to see the teacher and told her that I was hurting his self-esteem by taking 1st. So I wish everyone had a mom like mine. My mom never had a high powered career, she was the child of migrant laborers, but she had a strong sense of equality. If we were taught differently while we were still in the cradle things would be a lot different. We are products of our environment, so we need to create a different environment.
Stacy
October 6, 2014 #
Wow, that is great that your mom pushed you so much! I was more of a self-starter. I remember distinctly when I was probably around 10 I told my dad all the things I wanted when I grew up (we didn’t have much money at all, which I why I learned to sew!). My dad told me that I better MARRY WELL. Even at that age, I thought, “Huh. I don’t need to marry a man make money…I can do that myself!”
Suzanne
October 6, 2014 #
Darn straight!
Laurel
October 8, 2014 #
This is not a direct response to the foundational question, but instead a comment on Suzanne’s tale of learning to ride a bike and achieve at math because of her mother’s clear-headed approach. In Junior High (back before it was called “Middle School”) a number of students were tapped to compete to write graduation speeches. Mine was selected but I was asked to let a boy (a student body officer) deliver it because all the other graduation speakers were girls. My parents said it was up to me, but I didn’t have to do it if it was uncomfortable. He was a nice boy who’d been my friend since grade school so I agreed because it really didn’t make any difference to my self-esteem. It still doesn’t, but I realize it was a very odd request for the Girls’ Vice Principal to make and think it would not and should not happen now.
Laurel
October 8, 2014 #
Answering the actual question, I am proudest of my three daughters each time they achieve something. One is an artist who writes, sews, knits, & cooks far better than I ever will. One is making a dramatic career change into nursing, and the “baby” is finishing her M.A. thesis, applying to Ph.D. programs and was just offered a better, more responsible position with her current employer. Though I am a corporate attorney with a Fine Arts B.A. and a Theater Arts M.A., nothing I’ve ever personally achieved makes me as proud as do their daily amazing accomplishments.
Stacy
October 6, 2014 #
Oh, I notice this, too. Women take competition much more personal. Guys tend to shake things off better than us.
Catherine from Canada
October 6, 2014 #
I am especially proud of the dress I made for my son’s convocation and nephew’s wedding.
It’s “just” a Laurel, but I made it from cobalt blue linen, interlined with cobalt blue silk organza, lined it with blue rayon, and added a two-tone bodice with a 6 inch strip of ecru linen and a 4 inch strip of black linen that extended from the bodice onto the sleeves.
Much measuring and math to make all three seam lines match up -perfectly – across the sleeve head!
It was the most exacting and precise sewing I’ve ever done, and I’m looking forward now to tackling a jacket – I have the Style Arc Ziggy jacket pattern just waiting for the ideal fabric.
Pilar
October 6, 2014 #
I think the time I’ve amazed myself the most was when I finished my masters in International Relations and Diplomacy with flying colours, having never studied the subject before (I did Fine Arts at University), finishing in the top 10 of my year and passing before other students that had been in the business many years. That just proves that effort will take you anywhere you want!
And for the record, I did allow myself to be proud of my achievement!
Hopefully sewing achievements will be coming soon, I’ve got some beautiful crepe de chine waiting for the right pattern to turn up!
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
That’s a pretty amazing achievement, Pilar!
Suma
October 6, 2014 #
This was around three years ago. I had just started learning to sew from the internet when I came across a totally new concept – ready made patterns. That is because in India, ready made patterns are largely unheard of; tailors plot measurements on fabric directly and cut. Pattern making is limited to design institutes and professional designers. And here I was neither.
Sorbetto was the first ready pattern I ever tried – I’ve blogged about it here: http://sumasworld.blogspot.in/2011/12/sorbetto-top.html I was so thrilled with the outcome that I made many versions of it (and took some of them on a holiday to New Zealand ). Versions here : http://sumasworld.blogspot.in/search/label/sewing I used to think of myself as not very creative but these versions made me more confident to trust my creative instincts and also opened up a whole new world of possibilities. I now love drafting my own patterns but Sorbetto will always be special :)
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
That’s so interesting, Suma! I didn’t know that clothing was created that way in India.
Andrea
October 6, 2014 #
This is lovely–and so true. It IS hard for women to be proud of our accomplishments, often not wanting to stand out for fear of appearing “above ourselves.” And your dress is fantastic, btw.
I made a coat for my daughter last year I was very proud of. Fully lined, puffed sleeves, little hood, and the fun of making buttonholes on a sewing machine with a broken buttonhole stitch. I crocheted her a little cowl too–ivory coat, deep teal crocheted lace cowl–and she looked so fantastic in it.
It’s tricky, isn’t it? On the one hand, there are those who don’t want to trumpet their genuine accomplishments for fear of the repercussions; on the other, there are also those who trumped non-accomplishments with the full expectation that they will receive nothing but acclaim. The Paris Hiltons of the world, if you will. And then, while I’ve certainly seen tearing down in my time, I’ve also seen the belief that nothing but niceness and “you go girl!” is ever acceptable. Which is ridiculous. It’s all very complicated.
Becky
October 6, 2014 #
So timely!
Last week, my organization threw a party for me because I won a (fairly significant) award for doing my work well. I was conscious of feeling stressed about the whole thing – I was trying to find that fine balance of showing gratitude and appreciation for winning the award, but not coming off as arrogant or boastful.
Most people – both coworkers and friends – were truly happy for me and proud of my work, but many others were seemingly pained/uncomfortable to hear about my (or possibly any other’s) accomplishments.
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
I have so been there. I’m also reminded of being young and how kids would get ostracized or teased for being too smart, for getting good grades. In so many ways, kids are taught that standing out will get you punished.
It seems like men manage to get over this in some ways because masculinity is so tied up in status. Standing out becomes a good thing. For women, maybe we never get that counter message.
Suzanne
October 6, 2014 #
I’m constantly proud of myself. I’m a lawyer with an adversarial job and absolute confidence is essential. In fact I had custom labels made for all my sewing projects that say “Pattern Defeated by Suzanne”. I have a conquering attitude towards sewing and I say to all and sundry “I made this, isn’t this awesome”. Of course, I’m told I have the attitude of a “guy”. I eschew likability in favor of competence, and it has served me well. Likability comes when a woman is confident and not catty. You don’t have to a shrew, but if you do your own work, help out a little when needed without being a doormat (boundaries people, its okay to say no), and treat everyone equally, the workplace sometimes likes competent smart women just fine. So what garment has caused me to proud of myself: anything I wear in public. That means I like it enough to favor it in lieu of a store bought good. I do not point out the flaws unless I’m asking for sewing help. It is sad that women tear themselves down and I’m always confused why. I’ve heard that when asked questions women start with “I think” or “Maybe” while men just make a statement. In sewing I see a lot of: “I don’t know this is the right way, but this is how I do it, and it seems to work okay”. Its okay to say “This is one method” and just show it. Embrace the girl power.
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
That book I mentioned above by Tara Mohr goes into a lot of discussion about the way women use language to downplay their opinions. It was very interesting!
Another book I’m reading right now discussed studies that show the ways women are punished in the workplace for being overconfident. They are much more likely to be criticized in performance reviews due to personality issues (“too strident,” etc) than men, who rarely face those sorts of comments. I imagine it has so much to do with your individual approach and your environment, but finding that tightrope is tricky.
Suzanne
October 6, 2014 #
Absolutely. There is a 50/50 ratio of women in my office which could be a contributing factor to aggression and confidence being prized by all. Ugh, that does sound like a tricky tightrope, you can’t get ahead if you aren’t confident and competent, but if you are too confident and competent you are “strident”, and I’m sure strident is the polite term. I’m glad you bring up these issues Sarai, and make everyone aware of their skewed perceptions and biases, because I think that’s the only way things are going to change.
Denise
October 6, 2014 #
Jeans. I made PERFECT jeans. Except for the small sway back adjustment I forgot, but WHO CARES ‘CAUSE I MADE PERFECT JEANS. There, I said it!
Suzanne
October 6, 2014 #
So much irony.
Suzanne
October 6, 2014 #
Oh by the way my sewing idol when it comes to confidence is Peggy from Silhouette Patterns. That is a woman who thinks her method is best and makes no apologies. I’m not sure I have ever heard her criticize herself. And I’ve actually seen entire threads on Pattern Review dedicated to the fact that she told people throw out all their other sewing books and just listen to her. People were scandalized and I loved it. Have some common sense. You don’t have to listen to her if you don’t want to. You can keep your books. Don’t be mad because she thinks her way is right. She won’t be mad if you keep your books either. But don’t be mad because she thinks what she is doing is right.
Grace
October 6, 2014 #
I’m proud of my wedding dress too! I think the personal importance of a wedding dress makes the project have so much more gravitas. Yes, I can point out the flaws (of which there are thankfully few), but over all I am so proud that I pulled it off.
I think my instinct to point out flaws in me work is not born out of humility or modesty, but rather my desire to share what I learned from an experience. Even though I’ve been sewing almost my whole life I don’t often make the same thing more than twice so every flaw represents a lesson and recalling the error or pointing out the flaw helps to remind myself of what I learned.
Melissa
October 6, 2014 #
Great topic! I have a problem with just excepting compliments and not trying to point out all the flaws in garments I make.
My favorite things I’ve made are my wedding dress – because I spent a lot of time on it, and a wool mask I made – because it turned out cuter than I expected :)
Jen
October 8, 2014 #
“I have a problem with just excepting compliments and not trying to point out all the flaws in garments I make.”
This is my constant challenge, as well.
I think my wedding dress ranks up there, although I wouldn’t call it the best work I’ve ever done. I’m proudest of the first real formal dress I ever made – red/black sol dupionni, lined in red silk habotai with black silk organza as a built-in crinoline of sorts, trimmed with horsehair braid. I felt amazing in it. I recently made a pair of jodhpurs for a steampunk costume, of which I’m really proud, as well as a leather and microsuede vest for my husband’s steampunk costume that was time-consuming but worth it.
jen
October 6, 2014 #
OMG, “…women can be the agents of change simply by the way we treat each other: as friends instead of competitors” should be a bumper sticker that is plastered all over the world! I really believe in this, especially the first part, because it can apply to not only how we treat each other, but how we can implement positive change in society in terms of body image, equal pay, etc.
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
Yes, so true! I’ve been thinking about this a lot because the book I’m currently reading deals largely with inequality around motherhood and the “second shift” of unpaid labor. As someone who is not a mom, but IS an employer, I clearly see things that I can do to support other women in the workplace, just as one example.
Suzanne
October 6, 2014 #
I agree with your sentiment, but not the actual words. But saying women are never your competitors I think you undermine their accomplishments. Yes, that female co-worker vying for the same job as me is quite the competition, because she is smart, savvy, and together. She would be competition for anyone because she is a powerhouse. That is no reason to be catty, passive aggressive, or unethical. And when I can cheer her on, with no detriment to myself, I will because she embodies qualities that I admire greatly. I agree with Sarai that friendly competition plays a larger role in the male -male dynamic, and a much healthier role than competition appears to the female-female dynamic.
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
Oh, women for sure CAN be competitors, I just don’t think that should be the default position.
SewSouthLondon
October 6, 2014 #
Such an interesting thread today. Thank you, Sarai, for opening this topic for discussion. There must be something in the socialising of girls that leads us to be more apologetic/less likely to ‘own’ our success than our male counterparts.
I made a dress recently that I was so proud of and felt so amazing to wear that I couldn’t wait to mention to people that it was home-made. It wasn’t the most perfectly executed make, but the combo of fabric and pattern made me feel like a I had sewn something that truly represented ‘me’. I have never felt this way about a garment before, homemade or shop-bought. And yet, despite this immense sense of pride, I felt like I should be more ‘humble’ when receiving compliments.
http://sewsouthlondon.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/the-shrinking-violet-emery/
sj kurtz
October 6, 2014 #
I overthought/overworked/overdid my wedding dress (rice paper, drafted my own pattern, tried it on too many times) and through the clever thinking of a pal (whose wedding dress I did a lovely job on), it turned into the guest book, people signed it, and it hangs in my living room.
I knit a Bohus sweater last year or so, the Wild Apple. I had to rip over half of it out twice, and it was a total BEAR and I finished it (or ‘defeated it’, I like that one). THAT should hang in the living room.
Kriss
October 6, 2014 #
Is THAT your dress? Beautiful, so very nice. I guess my bests would also be wedding/bridesmaids/flower girls dresses. I didn’t make mine, but the important ones were for 2 daughters, a daughter in law and a sister in law.
I enjoy making things that are as someone wanted them to be.
Sarai
October 6, 2014 #
Yeah, that’s the dress in the photos. :)
Sz
October 6, 2014 #
Interesting thread. Yes, women can be our own worst enemy, or our very best friend. It’s up to us to decide how we want to act.
Accomplishments? I can offer two. First was a winter coat I made when I was junior high-ish age (maybe younger). Peacock/purple/teal upholstery fabric lined with bright blue fake fur and purple velveteen collar & cuffs. Covered buttons too. I wore it all winter, and still have it today. Every so often I pull it out and marvel – I think I was more fearless, back in the day.
Second, like you, is my wedding dress, or rather a suit. White silk faille. Short pencil skirt. Peplum jacket with chiffon sleeves and shoulder ruching, accented with sequined and re-embroidered lace. I could only afford a yard of the lace. It is still the most expensive fabric I have ever bought.
Kaitlyn
October 6, 2014 #
That is a stunning wedding dress. The work is beautiful.
My current moment of pride is my wedding sewing. Still only halfway through, but the bridesmaids dresses make me smile every time I see them, and I am itching to begin my dress. For me it is the pride of being able to use my sewing skills to make a wedding dress and three bridesmaid dresses that are out of the ordinary, special and reflect my personality and taste.
Patricia
October 6, 2014 #
What a lovely dress!
I’ve noticed this phenomenon in myself but most especially at work this year. This year, our small staff of 11 decided to have “Employee of the Week” and when that person was in charge of the staff meeting, we would all go around the circle and say what we appreciate about them. I was the second one to go and it was incredibly awkward (though also sweet.) Today the person being honored said, “I feel so happy, and also terribly, terribly embarrassed.” I thought that was interesting because why should people saying nice things about you be embarrassing?
My current moment of pride is with a short story I wrote that I think is very, very good. I do better with having pride in my writing, than with other things.
Robin
October 6, 2014 #
I can consistently match stripes, plaids, etc. for best effect. The nice thing is, this talent and passion are seen so little in RTW that it is unique and stands out in a positive way. I look for prints with borders for extra credit!
Sallie
October 6, 2014 #
I knit my mom a shawl for a big birthday. It’s a golden linen, I designed the lacework, it took a long time, lot’s of thinking, figuring out, reworking. It is fabulous, every time I see it I am so impressed with myself.
Cristina
October 6, 2014 #
I am VERY new to sewing and have only made one item so far. I have a used Necchi that came over with Columbus from the looks of it. It’s got no manual and I haven’t got a clue what some of the knobs do yet. So I drew up a pattern on paper and eyeballed the whole thing and figured out how to make a copy of my eye mask and I am so proud of it that I could burst!
My next project is to copy a nightgown that is in tatters and I can’t wait to get going on it.
I’m very proud of myself and my lovely eyemask!
debra merrill
October 6, 2014 #
I am just learning to sew and after a few blunders I have finished my first dress and only successful garment. I am very proud and a little surprised that I was able to accomplish this initially overwhelming task.
Joen
October 6, 2014 #
Beautiful detail on your dress. I did a coat sew along with Gertie and was very proud of all my w0rk. It was my first experience with
tailoring details.
Sara A.
October 6, 2014 #
Honestly I haven’t impressed myself with sewing yet. I feel like I haven’t done it enough to feel like I know what I’m doing. The one area in life where I impress myself regularly is cooking. I read recipes and garner ideas and then I go into the kitchen and just create with an idea like “I want Chipotle burrito bowls for dinner but better.” Then I go in and I make a marinade with chipotle peppers in adobo and garlic and cilantro and set the chicken in it and chop some vegetables to roast and the next thing I know it’s 3 hours later, my guests are here and my goodness it’s good! It’s so good that I take a bite and commend myself out loud and tell my friends that I made it all and no there is no recipe. I’ve been helping in the kitchen since I was a toddler and started cooking at 5. Maybe once I’ve been sewing for 20 years I’ll feel this way about it.
Zete
October 6, 2014 #
Wow, I just realised that the projects that i’m most proud of are those things that are considered to be dificult to sew and not that many people try that.. But every time they are in use i just want to scream at people “I made dis!” Here goes first three spots.
The project i’m most proud of is the Albion coat I made for the contest (or for myself) last year.
http://www.burdastyle.com/projects/albion-coat?all_images=1#project-shot-all
The second place is taken by jean shorts I made for my so.
http://www.burdastyle.com/projects/copied-jeans-for-bf?all_images=1#project-shot-all
The third would be bike panniers i made and used on a cycling trip to Nordkapp.
http://www.burdastyle.com/projects/zz-bike-panniers?all_images=1#project-shot-all
Theodora
October 6, 2014 #
Wonderful post, beautiful dress. What a thought provoking discussion. I am also guilty of downplaying my achievements, its ingrained ladies, in so many of us. Its got to change. Online, it does feel like I’m boasting if I put up a project and unashamedly champion it. I’m also scared of nasty comments that might be left. I was very proud of the first knitting pattern I designed called Joan Crawford. Thank you, this is gonna make me try harder to silence that internal voice holding me back!
Vanessa
October 7, 2014 #
I wonder whether men are taught how to handle competition more as boys as tend to be pushed into competitive sport more. And the skills taught include how to win and how to lose and still get along with others either way.
I am rowing again (age 43) and there are several young women in the rowing club who are vying for national crews, who race against each other all season, but not all get selected, and they seem to be able to get along really well – ie handle the competitive pressure. I am consistently impressed with them.
Thoughts from others?
Vanessa
October 7, 2014 #
And, by the way, I LOVED the first formal dress I made. Felt like a million dollars in blue taffeta, dropped waist, cap sleeves, sash tied in a big (BIG) bow at the back. It was 1987 after all!
Becky
October 7, 2014 #
My wedding dress is definitely up there– it took me 9 months, and I learned a lot about couture-style sewing through the process. I think the other project is the first time I managed to successfully make a pair of jeans that fit, thanks to a Craftsy class. I love wearing jeans, but have struggled since I was a teenager to find pairs that don’t gap at the waist when they fit everywhere else. I’ve made two pairs now, and while my pattern still needs tweaking to be perfect, I’m excited about making more pairs!
Susan Averill
October 7, 2014 #
Sarai, this has been am eye opener for me this morning! Two garments which made me proud were a sport coat for my husband forty-five years ago and a christening gown for my granddaughter ten years ago.
I was amazed when Emma Watson gave a powerful speech at the UN and the London Times reported on what she wore as if they had to discount her achievement. I will definitely read this book!
Pat
October 7, 2014 #
You project is absolutely beautiful ….. you should be very proud . I’m proud of you.
Anna
October 7, 2014 #
I am reminded of “Show and Tell” at school and how embarrassing, yet thrilling it was. Sometimes when a another sewer/maker/fiber enthusiast visits my studio I can’t help myself and begin to engage in what I call my “show and tell” compulsion. Afterwards, I sometimes feel guilty, or that I am bragging and what is exciting for me may not be as exciting for another. All I know is that if I visited someone else’s studio I would want to see their latest accomplishments.
At any rate, my most proud accomplishment is designing my first sweater pattern. It was so fun to knit a patten that I dreamed up in my head with all the details I love and a custom fit.
Kate
October 7, 2014 #
This is a brilliant discussion!
Being proud of an accomplishment can be such a conflict for me. So much behavior and conditioning to unlearn! I must not be the star in the room or even (unfortunately) in my own heart for that would bring envy down on my head. At the time I am sure this kind of conditioning was well intentioned. My mother in particular really wanted me to have friends and fit in. That’s a fair goal for a mom to have and I don’t think she knew there was a middle ground.
Slowly, but surely, I am moving to a place of acknowledgement. Discussions like this thread are a godsend. Thanks, Sarai!
Teresa Ward
October 7, 2014 #
What was the question again? Oh, yeah, what have I created that made me proud of myself? Most days, it is getting a nourishing meal all together at the same time! LOL
For garment sewing, it was a dress for my then about 6yodd. It was my first sleeveless bodice, my first hand-shell stitched collar, and my first tatting insertion (I made the tatting myself … all 90+ inches of it)! And I never even got a picture of it!!!
Nevertheless, it was magnificently constructed, if I do say so myself!
Kim domingue
October 7, 2014 #
The company that I worked for was participating in a nation wide drive for clean water campaign and I was asked to come up with a contribution for the raffle we were sponsoring to raise money for the cause. I offered to make a small quilt with water as the theme. I asked clients, students and staff for donations of clothing and linens made of woven fabrics as I wanted to be earth friendly and use only recycled materials. Ever been on the beach at Key West in Florida on a sunny day? The water ranges in color from a deep purple at the horizon to the palest greens and blues at the creamy white sand of the shoreline. That’s the look that I wanted to create. I also wanted to create a quilt with textures to mimic the grittiness of sand, the silkiness of the water, etc. I wanted the quilt to be a tactile as well as a visual experience. Not setting too high a bar for myself, was I? It took a solid month of nights and weekends. It took hours of cutting up clothing and then sorting by color. It took days laying it out, staring at it and moving pieces around until it looked just right. It took thousands of tiny pieces of fabrics that I cut and snipped and pieced together. It took days to quilt it together and bind it off. And when I was done and I hung it up and stood back and looked at it……. I almost cried. It was perfect. Technically? Maybe not. But the gentle graduation of colors, the textures, the illusion of movement was what I had envisioned…… right down to the seaweed and the shimmer of the sand at the water’s edge. Did I impress myself? Did I mention that I almost cried? It was so beautiful that I wanted to keep it for myself. I didn’t. The woman who won it had been slowly losing her sight for about 5 years at that time. In another 2 or 3 years she would be completely blind. When she came in to pick up her prize she was so excited! We had become quite friendly over the last couple of years so I felt comfortable asking her why, with her vision being as limited as it was, out of all of the things we were raffling off she had chosen the quilt. She told me that I had shown it to her a month before, the way I’d always shown her things…… by placing them in her hands and letting her feel them as I described for her the details she could no longer see. She could still make out the colors though none of the details of the quilt but as she ran her hands over it she said she could imagine them because of all of the textures. She said that once her sight was completely gone, she’d still be able to run her hands over the quilt and see, in her mind’s eye, the beach, the ocean and the sun……..and a kind and talented person’s face. I’m so glad I didn’t keep it for myself.
Cristina
October 7, 2014 #
Your quilt sounds absolutely glorious. No wonder the woman was thrilled to win it, your description makes me feel as though I’ve seen it myself.
Lorena
October 7, 2014 #
Gorgeous dress, I can see why you would be proud.
In my case, pride comes from all the things I have been able to accomplish through education and hard work.
Lynda Woerner
October 7, 2014 #
I am consistently proud of my needlework and stitched bead work. I am especially proud of two skirts that I made. One was made in the crucible of need – I arrived at my high school reunion weekend with no clothes, and could not find anything reasonable to purchase rtw. I bought 3 men’s t-shirts from Walmart along with some basic sewing supplies, which i used to design and hand sew a skirt that I could wear for the weekend. When I got home, I embellished it with hand sewn and beaded ruffles. I wear this skirt regularly; it makes me happy. The other skirt is not particularly well-sewn, but I absolutely LOVE this skirt. It was up-cycled from men’s dress shirts, and even though the design didn’t quite work out as planned, I love how I feel when I wear this skirt. I used my own ideas to design the skirt and it is so me. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about this skirt, nothing will stop me from loving this skirt.
Lynda Woerner
October 7, 2014 #
Oh, I forgot, I was extremely proud of the plain black kilt I made for my husband this year. Very challenging, as there are no patterns per se, and without a tartan to provide straight lines to follow extra challenging. It was not perfect, but I feel so happy when I see him in it, knowing I made that. Plus, he looks so hot in a kilt!
WendP
October 7, 2014 #
I’ve been riding a bike for the last three years. I rode a little when I was a kid, but never more than about a four-block radius. Technically, I rode just fine, but I never learned skills like how to share the road with cars, how to ride in a group of cyclists, how to ride distances of a half-mile or more, that sort of thing. A few years ago I decided I wanted to ride again. Again, technically, it wasn’t too big of a deal. You know, it’s just like riding a… well, anyway.
So I’ve been slowly learning to ride distances on the nearby walk/bike path. I’ve been learning to ride in groups on the road over month-long summer events in town. I’ve been learning to ride short distances on the road by myself. I’ve been learning how to manage my bike on public transportation – which is actually a little more impressive than it sounds, as I’ve got a cruiser, which is heavier, longer, and balanced differently than a standard bike shape.
I’ve had panic attacks in the middle of riding, I’ve thrown up from trying to take a hill too quickly (and forcing myself to finish instead of just stopping and walking the rest of the way), I’ve called my husband and begged him to bring the car and bike rack and rescue me because I started out just fine but something got me scared about making my way home. I’ve crashed into – get this! – a bus stop pole. One of those skinny sign poles. Looked at my handlebars for just a second and ran right into the dumb thing. Crashed to the ground, gave myself a wicked gash along my forearm, and bruised my ego something fierce. And I still made it the three remaining miles home.
Last year I started riding my bike the 4 1/4 miles to work a few days a week, taking the back roads and sidewalks. This year, my work place is closer to home, so I’m making myself ride bike lanes on the roads. On top of that, I’m making myself ride in the cold and rain.
Some days I feel like a total wuss because, seriously? It’s just a bike ride, fer cryin’ out loud. Most days though? I remind myself I’m a badass for doing something that scares the heck out of me and remembering that I’m doing it anyway.
Carolyn
October 8, 2014 #
First, I’d like to say how much I’ve been enjoying the discussions on this post, so many insightful comments! This whole issue around pride in women reminds me of a workshop my university dept annually holds for us grad students. It’s on “Feeling Fraudulent”, apparently a common phenomenon among over-achievers in general. Basically, it’s the feeling that you don’t deserve the good marks you keep getting and don’t take ownership for or pride in them. I attended the workshop in the first year of my PhD and it was an eye-opener.
In terms of sewing I was proudest of my wedding dress – it was certainly a tour de force – until earlier this year. My wedding dress is still my most personal proud sewing achievement, but was superseded this winter. I reproduced a version of Charles James’ “Tree” gown and it turned out excellently and I’m hella-proud of it!
http://themodernmantuamaker.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/jimminy-crispies-theres-a-charles-james-gown-in-my-living-room/
Sarai
October 8, 2014 #
WOW! That gown is spectacular!
What you’re describing sounds like the imposter syndrome. Apparently, it’s very common among accomplished women and some minorities.
Beth
October 8, 2014 #
What a timely post — I’ve been dealing with this very thing for the last week. I’m in my first year in a master’s of divinity program, and last week I preached my first funeral. It was for my much-loved grandmother. I led the service well, and gave a message that I was proud of. I’ve had lots of compliments from my family on how good it was, which I hope means that it was meaningful. When people ask how it went, I’ve been challenging myself to say that I did a good job, without feeling embarrassed or apologetic for saying it.
p.s. @Carolyn — I have never seen anything like that dress. It. Is. Amazing.
Joanna McCartney
October 8, 2014 #
What an empowering article! I love this, and judging by the comments above, so do your other readers. I always feel pretty stoked when I have created a dress/blouse/skirt, but I hate ‘bragging’ about what I’ve made, to the point where if I am wearing something I’ve made and I get compliments, I feel uncomfortable saying I’ve made it. I’ve realized this is ridiculous – I should be proud! Thank you for this great post.
elizabeth
October 9, 2014 #
i made a santa doll designed and beaded the clothing made the shoes and mittens since i couldnt make hands, used a handbag for the shoes and a beaded sweater to make the mittens .But the beaded jacket was all my own design and only the second time i had done any bead embroidery. I dindt believe when i saw the finished project ,iI HAD DESIGNED AND MADE IT
Also the fist time i knitted a lace shawl i left it on the bed blocking for a week ,just so i could walk past the room and gaze at it and think that I HAD MADE THAT. Now i design my own lace shawls and dont think twice about lace knitting, how days have changed but can still remember the wonder of the first one
Kristina
October 9, 2014 #
Mine is also my wedding dress. Lace, chapel length train and a hand beaded veil with lace accents.
When I’m having a bad day, I just want to wear my veil to work, it was perfect and beautiful with just the right weight at the bottom to make it move beautifully.